


Don't Let Go

by OnceUponACastleOfRizzles



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), swan queen - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/F, Id say it was fluffy?, One Shot, Oneshot, Swan Queen - Freeform, swan queen alternate universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8122456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponACastleOfRizzles/pseuds/OnceUponACastleOfRizzles
Summary: Good can come from broken. Just a one shot. First fic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fanfiction. I'd like to thank Domi for the help editing! I hope you like it.

Regina sat alone. Drinking to her hearts content. Sure she was only on her second glass but she had all night. Probably all year really, but who could drink for a year? She thought about it though.

In the past year, Regina had been through a nasty divorce. Ever since, she felt sad all the time- inadequate and unwanted. She should have known the marriage would end in divorce. She never truly loved Robin, not as much as she should have anyway, but it still hurt when it was over. It hurt like hell actually. But somewhere deep down inside, she knew he never truly loved her either. She just didn’t want to see it.

Both Robin and Regina came from affluent homes and didn’t feel right about their children marrying poor, or choosing unwisely. To avoid this, their parents chose for them and they had been promised to each other since, god knows, birth probably. They married young, in their early twenties. It was basically an arranged marriage.

Marrying Robin was the safe choice for Regina. She wasn’t brave enough to just run away when she met the _woman_ who she thought was the love of her life. Just the thought of away with the woman excited her and made her heart flutter, happiness spreading throughout her body. But Regina was too afraid of the wrath she’d face from her family if she did that. They would hunt her down no doubt and she was not brave enough.

When Regina had told the love of her life that she couldn’t run away with her and why -one of them being her upcoming wedding to a man, no less- the woman yelled, screamed and cried right there in front of Regina. And it broke her heart, not only that she was hurting herself, but that she was causing her love this much pain.

Regina was numb after that.

After their wedding, Regina eventually came to love Robin. He was kind to her – he showered her with love, sweet words and gifts. He made her feel alive again, special even. They had fell in love, or so she thought, enough to want to try for children. Only to discover, Regina couldn’t have children of her own. She felt a slight crack in her heart appear that day after hearing that. She felt sad for years before she finally felt like herself again.

Robin had stuck by her throughout. Professing his love many a time over those few years. So naturally five years later when she discovered that he had been having an affair himself, with the love of _his_ life, for the entirety of their marriage and then some, it broke her even worse than it had last time she let herself love someone.

So after having her heart broken three times, losing her first love, this marriage she was forced into, and the child she always imagined but could no longer have, Regina finally cracked. She stormed into her parents’ house one day a few weeks after her fight with Robin and she let everything she had been feeling come out. All the rage she was feeling from her life. Losing her first, second, and third love and releasing all her sadness into that little room where her parents sat, listening and shocked to say the least.

Regina stood there, breathing deeply and exhausted from her release. She looked into her mother’s eyes with her own broken ones and said, “I won’t do it anymore.”

It took a while for her mother to accept that she wasn’t going to put up with this marriage anymore. But eventually, Cora calmed down and accepted that what is to be will be.

So, now nursing her third drink she just sat there at the bar, whilst everyone around her had fun and let silent tears run down her cheeks.

She hadn’t noticed a blonde woman coming over and taking the seat next to her until she had sat down. Regina just looked around the bar itself and noticed there was so many other empty seats. Not realising she was speaking out loud Regina said, “All those empty seats and she chooses to sit on the one right next to me”

“You look sad, I thought you could use some company! Hi I’m Emma” the blonde smiled at her with a light in her eye.

Regina sat and just stared at the woman for a minute, thinking to herself.

“Regina” She murmured back.

“It’s nice to meet you Regina. Are you doing okay?”

Regina laughed.

“Oh yes dear, just peachy.” Not knowing why, Regina continued to talk and told this stranger her entire life story. _Must be the alcohol_ she thought to herself.

“I don’t know why I just told you all of that.” Regina looked down into her empty glass shyly.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m all ears this evening. Sometimes it’s nice just having a stranger to say things to, whom you will never see again.”

Regina smiled gratefully.

“Thank you” She said as she looked into green eyes.

“Anytime. Now to cheer you up, or just for yourself to feel a bit better for today, why don’t you come and have a dance with me eh?”

Regina looked shocked to say the least. When was the last time someone asked her to dance? _No Regina don’t go there_.

“I don’t think I’m drunk enough to dance yet.” Feeling bold, or just hoping it would maybe turn Emma off the idea of getting her to dance, with a joking tone to her voice she said, “Buy me another drink and I will come and dance with you.”

“Deal” Emma said, maybe a little too fast. Regina looked a little startled but sighed and nodded her confirmation towards the woman. She thought to herself _That was a stupid deal Regina._

The bartender placed Emma’s drink on the table in front of her. “Well I have nothing to lose, so here goes,” Regina said as she downed the drink in one hand and then grabbed a startled Emma’s hand, pulling her onto the dance floor before she changed her mind.

For the first time that night, the music moved past her previous thoughts. Until now, the songs that had been playing hadn’t registered and Regina found herself smiling her first true smile, as if she hadn’t heard music in a long time. I mean of course she heard music, but it never went in, she never truly listened to it, or got to experience the joy from it.

Looking at Emma, she couldn’t help but think to herself how much the blonde was like a little light in her darkness that introduced the way to a better road.

They danced the night away together, getting thoroughly drunk, more so than the slight buzz they were feeling at the start of their night together. Whether it was the drinks or the company neither knew but together, it made them feel freer than they had felt before- lighter and happier.

Regina felt like she was enough that night.

Of course there was a limit to the amount of alcohol one could drink before you get sick. For Regina, she got there around 4am. And barely made it to the bathroom stall before throwing up.

So there she was, head hovering over the toilet, puking her guts out as she felt someone pull her hair back. She started to panic slightly not being able to see who it was but calmed as a gentle soothing hand stroked her back and told her she was going to be fine. After she had calmed her stomach, she quickly glanced back over her shoulder and realized it was Emma.

Emma says quietly, “I think it’s time to call it a night.”

Regina groaned sadly, “But I don’t want to…”

“Come on Regina, you’ve reached your limit tonight. I’ll help you get home” She managed to say what she wanted, but the words came out slightly slurred.

“Do you think you’re good to stand?”

Regina didn’t answer, she just pushed herself up using the toilet seat to brace herself. Emma had her hands settled on Regina’s waist trying to help Regina stay steady on her feet which was a big struggle for Emma considering how the room had just started slightly spinning for her too. Despite that, Emma sucked it up, pulling Regina out the stall and back into the bar whilst asking the bar tender if he could call a cab for them. While they waited, Emma stroked Regina’s back as she lay her head on the blonde’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Emma.” Regina slurred sleepily.

~~~~~

 

 

 

Getting through Regina’s door was a big struggle -- neither of them could see straight enough to get the key in the door. It had ended up with them quietly giggling before Emma, the lesser drunk of the two, eventually managed to get the key in and turn it. Opening the door, Emma’s eyes immediately fell on the stairs.

“Holy shit that’s a lot of steps.” Emma said, frowning slightly.

Regina, still giggling, just nodded and almost fell through the door before Emma caught her.

Helping Regina up the stairs had helped sober Emma up slightly. Not much, but it helped for the room to not be blurring as much as before. Deciding not to ask Regina which room was hers, she just went to the first on the left by instinct and luckily it was the right door. After feeling around for the light switch in the dark, Emma led Regina into the room and lay her down onto the bed.

Regina just lay there with her eyes closed, not bothering to get under the covers or even take her shoes off. Luckily Emma was there and she helped Regina to get comfortable helping her out of her shoes and cosily snuggled under her duvet on her side.

Emma just stared at Regina for a few minutes. _She’s so beautiful_ she thought to herself. Suddenly a wave of sadness soured through Emma’s body. The idea of leaving Regina didn’t agree with her too well.

She hadn’t expected to go out tonight and find someone to have as much fun as she’d had with the other woman. In fact the only reason she went out that night was because she needed some alone time herself. She had a two year old at home and he was a lot to deal with sometimes. She wouldn’t change him for the world but she did need a day to herself every now and then.

Emma was so glad she had chosen tonight to go out though, especially since it almost hadn’t happened. If her friend Ruby hadn’t offered to babysit when the kid’s dad hadn’t showed up, she wouldn’t have gone out at all. Thank god for Ruby or she would have never met Regina.

_Regina._

They had barely spent half a day together, but Emma already knew that Regina was someone she could fall in love with-- maybe she had already fallen a little down that rabbit hole already. _Would Regina even want that though?_ Emma shook the thoughts out of her head and pretended she was totally fine with leaving, pretended she didn’t want to stay, pretended she was fine with letting Regina go. But the second she went to stand Regina’s hand flew out to hold onto her own.

“Don’t go,” Regina said, her eyes closed.

“Regina-“

“Stay.” Regina moved her hand from Emma’s and attempted to pull the cover down behind her to subtly tell Emma to get in the bed.

Emma didn’t need to think twice and got in the bed behind Regina. She was about to turn and lie on her back but Regina scooted backwards into her arms so that Emma was essentially spooning her. She took the hint and curled her arm around Regina holding her tightly to her chest.

“Don’t let go.” Regina said before she drifted off to sleep.

~~~~

 

Emma and Regina had been friends for years now, but after the night they met neither of the women brought up how deep their feelings lay; it was never the right time. Regina had just been through a divorce and she didn’t want Emma to be the rebound or did Emma want that which was the main reason it was never brought up. The other being that they had been friends so long now, they didn’t want to ruin their friendship either.

After a year of being friends and being so ingrained in each other’s lives, they ended up moving in together. There were definite benefits from doing so, Emma needed someone to look after Henry sometimes if she was running late or his dad didn’t show up, which happened more than she would’ve liked it to. Aside from getting a free babysitter every now and then, it was just nicer living with Regina and spending so much time with her.

Regina’s reason for wanting to move in together was simply because she was so lonely. When Emma didn’t sleep over at her house or visit with Henryher house just felt so empty and cold. When Emma was there, it was warm and filled. Finally one day, whilst Regina was spending time with Henry – she adored that child like no other - she randomly suggested that they should move in together. To her amazement, before she even got to the list of reasons she made up to use in favour of her case, Emma said yes. She didn’t know why, but she wasn’t going to question it as long as she got to live with Emma.

So whilst yes, they were both being terribly selfish in their reasoning of doing so, they didn’t care as long as they were together.

They decided to buy a brand new place instead of moving into one or the others place. It felt right to have a new place filled with new and happy memories together.

In hindsight they act like a couple so often it’s ridiculous that they aren’t one. They basically share a room at this point. Emma has her own room, but she only uses it to change her clothes. No one knows when it happened, but Emma hadn’t been sleeping in her own room for a long time now.

So that morning, after waking up snuggled into Emma, Regina decided that she was going to make breakfast and bring it to her in bed. You know, like good friends do.

After getting dressed, making breakfast and almost dropping the tray tripping over one of Henry’s toys on her way up the stairs, Regina backed into the room with a tray of food and coffee and rested it on top of the dresser next to the bed.

She sat down next to Emma, just looking at her and taking in her beauty; staring in wonder at how peaceful she looks when she is sleeping. She took her hand and started to gently stroke Emma’s cheek, just enough so Regina could feel how soft her skin was.

“Emma,” She said, but there was no movement or sound of acknowledgement made.

Regina leaned forward and gently kissed Emma on the forehead, momentarily giving into her desire to be close to Emma. She leaned down to Emma’s ear to sweetly say her name again, just resting her head gently onto hers. She knows she shouldn’t let her feelings take over like this, but it’s so hard to keep them bottled up sometimes. She indulged the moment for a few minutes before saying Emma’s name one more time, but still nothing.

Deciding she wasn’t going to wake her up without coffee, Regina grabbed the mug from the tray and moved it towards Emma’s nose. She didn’t need to even say her name this time before Emma’s eyes shot open.

“Coffeeeeeeeee… Regina, you are a goddess, thank you!” she said as she sat up with her back against the head of the bed, took the cup from Regina and drank eagerly.

Regina blushed. “You’re welcome, Emma.”

Emma smiled before she glanced at the clock and her eyes bulged out of her head. “Shit Regina, Henry is going to be late for school!”

“Don’t worry, Emma. He’s downstairs eating breakfast, I’ll take him today.”

Emma sighed in relief and sank back against the headboard. “Did I mention you are a goddess?”

“Only once today dear, you’re slacking.” Regina said as she got up from the bed and headed towards the door.

“I’ll be back a little late tonight I hope that isn’t an inconvenience.”

“No, no that’s fine. What time? Or don’t you know?”

“About 6 maybe, no later than 7 at most.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later Regina.” Emma called after Regina as she headed out the door and downstairs, staring longingly at the door and wishing she could kiss the woman goodbye just this once.

However, it was not to be.

~~~

 

 

Regina drove up in front of Henry’s school. He was currently mid-way through first grade. He says he’s enjoying it, but Regina had never met anyone who enjoyed school. Well, except the rich snobby people she grew up around but most of them could just bribe their way to the grades they need. There was no reason for them to hate school if they got everything handed to them on a platter.

Henry was different-- he was such a happy child, always making Regina smile. Spending time with him made that little hole in her heart, where she couldn’t have children, hurt a little less every day. Just being around him made Regina happy, something he obviously got from his mother. Imagine, two people who make Regina happy, she never would have guessed it.

“Now, are you sure you’ve got everything?”

He sighed dramatically before saying annoyingly, “Yes, _Mom._ ” He says it like you say to a friend when they are trying to tell you what you should be wearing, what time you should be home, or what you should be eating. She knew he didn’t mean to hurt her feelings when he said Mom, but she can’t help but feel the name tug at her heartstrings. What she wouldn’t give for him to actually mean it when he says it.

 

“Now, now no need to get snarky dear, I’m only checking. Remember last time you forgot something and all the chaos over it?” Henry just smiles at her apologetically before getting out the car.

Regina rolled down the window on the passenger side just as the door slammed shut. “I’ll see you later Henry. Your mother will be here to pick you up after school today.”

“Okay, Regina. See you later. Love you!” he says, waving to her as he backed away from the car and towards the school.

“I love you too, Henry” She replied, too late for him to hear. The woman watched him go inside the building before pulling away from the school and driving to work for the day, thanking her lucky stars she met Emma that night 4 years ago.

~~

It was 6:35pm by the time Regina got home that day and she was exhausted. She took her shoes off and placed them on the rack beside the door, hanging up her coat and her bag before walking into the kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen, she realised Emma was in the room already, staring longingly out the window. Regina hadn’t made any noise as she entered the kitchen so when she said Emma’s name, the girl jumped and almost dropped her cup in the sink. “Regina, when did you start creeping around, oh my god!” Emma shrieked as she looked at Regina over her shoulder.

Regina just smiled; Emma looking at her over her shoulder did things to her-- It reminded her of the night they danced. Of course they had been drunk out their minds but Regina still remembered glimpses of their dances. One of which had Emma looking at her flirtingly over her shoulder. She suddenly had the urge to pull Emma into an embrace and sway slowly with her. _Oh how beautiful you look right now Emma, I swear you get more beautiful by the day_.

Every day, when Regina comes home and realizes Emma is still here makes her heart beat a little bit faster.. Living in this house with Emma and Henry was always getting better and Regina wouldn’t change that for the world. She doesn’t know what she would do if Emma ever left her.

She coughed and tried to get the thoughts out of her head but it was difficult. “What were you thinking about just now? You seemed lost in thought”

Emma had a panicked stricken look on her face momentarily before she tried to disguise it behind a smile, which then turned into a real smile. “Oh you know… just… life”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you know, it’s funny. You can spend your entire life being in love with a person, but never get to experience… _Loving_ them. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, dear. It makes sense. What’s brought this on?” Regina asked curiously. “Have you fallen in love with someone? I didn’t even know you were dating.” She had a slight sad tone to her voice.

“Oh no don’t worry, if I was dating I would have told you. I’m not dating anyone.”

Regina felt slight relief but then realised just because she isn’t dating someone doesn’t mean she can’t be in love with someone.

“But you are in love?”

“I think I’ve been in love for a long time now. I never wanted to admit it to the person I love. It was never the right time. I’ve been going over my feelings, and my life in the past few years all day, and I’m finding it hard to keep my true feelings for this person to myself any longer. It’s so hard to love someone, and not be able to express your love the way you want to.”

“Oh… well… whoever you are in love with is a lucky person to win your heart. It’s worth more than its weight in gold that’s for sure.” Regina couldn’t continue this conversation without breaking the neutral look she had on her face so she turned around and headed for the kitchen door.

“Regina, wait.” Emma said as she grabbed a hold of the brunettes arm.

“What is it, Emma? I’m tired.” Regina sounded so sad and Emma just couldn’t have that. She pulled on Regina’s arm, simultaneously turning her around so she could pull her into the tightest embrace she has ever given anyone besides Henry in her life.

“Regina,” Emma whispered in her ear. “Don’t run from me. I have to get this out.”

Regina melted into the embrace, holding on for dear life. This was it. This was the moment Emma told her who she loved—she was going to lose Emma. If this was the last moment she had with Emma ,she was going to get her years’ worth of hugs from this very one. She sighed and let her head rest against Emma’s with tears in her eyes and said, “What?” There was no anger or hate in her voice, just sadness radiating off that one word, echoing around the otherwise silent room.

“Regina” She took a breath, “from the very first time we met, I’ve been falling in love with you. And every day since that day, I’ve just been falling a little more. I love you, Regina. I’m so in love with you.” She nuzzled the side of Regina’s head, speaking directly into Regina’s ear. “You make me so happy, Regina. Not being able to tell you all these years, not being able to kiss you or make love to you, has been so hard. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we have, but the way my feelings were soon about to boil over.  If I didn’t get them out now and get them out the way I wanted, they were going to come out in a much worse way and if this is the last time I get to hug you and feel you and love you, I wanted to tell you in the best possible way I knew how. I understand if you don’t feel the same. I’m really sorry if I have ruined what we have, but I couldn’t hold it in any more Regina. I just… I couldn’t. I’m so in love with you.”

They stayed there hugging each other tightly for a good while. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop in the room. Suddenly, Regina was shaking against her as she cried in relief. “Oh, Emma.”

Regina pulled back from their embrace and before Emma could check to see that she was alright, Regina pulled Emma to her by the collar of her shirt and kissed her like her life depended on it. Momentarily shocked, Emma didn’t move her lips for a good six seconds at least. Regina counted. Then all of a sudden Emma’s lips started moving against hers and it was like an explosion of fireworks. Emma moved her hands up Regina’s back and into her hair making sure their lips stayed connected. Refusing to disconnect their lips until the last possible second. Regina slowly pushed Emma up against the counter as their lips broke apart. Their foreheads rested against each other as they both breathed deeply.

“I love you too, Emma Swan.”

They looked at each other then.

“We’ve come so far, my dear. What took us so long?” Regina breathed out.

Emma laughed. “Don’t think about it, none of that matters anymore.” Emma nuzzled Regina’s nose.

~~~

They’d been in the kitchen, kissing each other for song long. Time forgotten.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Emma broke the kiss to ask. She knew it was ridiculous to ask considering she always slept in Regina’s bed, but she was trying to be gentlewomanly and not assume that’s where she would be sleeping now that they were together.

“If you think you are staying anywhere else you are sorely mistaken.” Regina said before capturing her lips again. When the moment came for them to require oxygen, it was Regina this time who asked a question, “Before we retire for the evening, there’s been something I’ve wanted to do for ages.”

“What’s that?” Their eyes connected.

“Emma, my darling, will you dance with me?”

Emma smiled a huge smile. “There’s no music.”

“We don’t need music.”

They swayed together, to the music of their hearts, in their kitchen, somewhere in the middle of the night. Nothing could ruin this moment, except Emma catching her eye on the kitchen clock. “Regina, it’s getting late, you have to be up early tomorrow.” Emma had the week off work, but Regina didn’t.

“I don’t care. I’d gladly go to work tired than have to let go of you right now. Don’t let go, Emma.”

 

~~~

 

10 years they had been together. 10 years. Well, 10 years including the time they weren’t a couple. As a couple it was technically 6 years, but who needs technicalities.

Henry had started to call Regina, Mom too, it was like Christmas had come the day he had started saying it. In fact it was Christmas. Christmas 2 years back, mind you, and every time he called it her, her heart grew a multiple sizes.

They never married in the time they were together, but they had talked about it once.

After Regina’s first marriage failed and all the drama that came with it, she never once had the desire to do it again. Not even Emma could change that. At least not at first. Over the past few years Regina had been craving Emma. Not in the usual craving way, but in the way that she wanted her to be her wife. She just didn’t know how to bring it up. She had specifically told Emma years ago that she would never want to get married. Emma of course was a little hurt, a lot hurt, but she understood too. She came to accept it in time. No relationship was easy. Not even theirs.

In the end, Regina decided to go all out and just propose herself and surprise Emma. Getting Emma to agree to marry her would be like the icing on top of the cake of her life.

So there Regina was, down on one knee and ring in her hand whilst looking up at Emma.

“Emma, my darling, my dear, my love. I know I said that this would never be something I’d want. But somewhere along the lines, you got me to change my mind. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I never thought I’d ever want this again. But I can’t help but want you, Emma. I’ve always wanted you. I crave you. I want to be with you forever. I want to live with you forever. When we are grey and old. Even when we’re ghosts. You’re always there for me when I need you, Emma. I’m going to love you until my dying breath; when my lungs give out. I promise, like in our vows, until death we part to love you always. I want everyone to know how much I love you. I want everyone to know we’re together forever. This is it for me, Emma. You’re it. I’m so in love you with you, Emma Swan. Will you do me the greatest honour, of becoming my wife?”

Regina looked up hopefully, into Emma’s teary eyes.

“Look how much we’ve grown!” Emma laughed out. “Of course I’ll marry you, Regina”

She pulled Regina up from her knee as the brunette slid the ring onto her finger. Smiling with love in their eyes at each other. Emma pulled Regina into an Embrace, slightly picking the brunette up in the air which made her gasp and laugh at the same time. “Em-maaaaaa… let me go. I prefer my feet stay firmly on the ground” She continued to laugh whilst she said it and Emma lowered her to the floor.

Emma had come into her life, when she needed a light in the dark. And given her all the things she possibly could need.

Emma looked deep into Regina’s eyes with the most serious look on her face.

“I’ll never let you go, Regina.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> I hope your day is a spectacular one.


End file.
